Personal Entry- Flight to Heal a Heart

Kor Vella? What am I doing here? My speeder was flaming, the engine almost overheated. I landed in Coronet, but why am I here? Then it came back to me.

Scarlet, the child, Deomo, all of it…I must have rode here in a haze. *pain*

I sensed Scarlet had left my house, kark!! She is supposed to be taking it easy. Am I going to have to tie her down when I leave? Why does she risk her child? I felt her wonderment at a giant peko peko. Gods, please do not let her try to pick a feather, they really do not like it when you do that, and in her shape, I doubt she could fend off an attack. I implored her to return to the safety of a town. To Keren, amongst the NSF guards. There is very little crime in my old city, never has been.

She was at the starport idle. Then, suddenly she left, taking it easy huh? Do not worry about me huh? I found her at a gazebo out in the water. Quite a beautiful place, this must have been what she wanted to show me. It was…hard to look her in the eye, the tears would not leave. I hid behind my helmet, my shroud of shame…

I wish now, looking back, she could see the pain on my face as I raged at her. Anger consumed me, not directed at her, but rather, at Fate. Damn her (Fate) for doing this to me…Again!!! I turned from her and felt her approach from behind. She reached for me, the pain pulled me away from her touch, but the ache in my heart for her beckoned me to take her hand. The warmth of her hand and her love spread through out my body, encased my heart, and shattered the shell that was trying to form. The tears flowed. I knew the mistake had been made. My pain hurt her, but no more. No matter what room she has for me in her life, I will gladly fill it. She asked for me to remove my helmet. The tears flowed as she reached for me; I fell into her arms and cried on her shoulder. To think of the strength I have shown in the face of adversity, and to see the weakness I have now…Her life being a part of mine is truly important.

We decided to leave and headed for the starport. We flew to Theed to board her sorosub into space. We launched, then once out of the atmosphere she stood:

“Fly us somewhere pretty.”

Her, in this ship with me, was all the beauty I could ever need. I remembered a fire-red nebula in an outlying sector around Corellia. Once the coordinates were entered the hyperdrive kicked in and we were off.

“Wow.” “WOW!!!”
*chuckle*

She moved form window to window peering out at the colors. I was remembered of the first few times she flew with me. I had to have Envy sit with her in a hallway in the middle of the ship. She became so ill at the slightest movement. Now, she moved around like a little kid at a candy store. Maybe someday, she would be willing to fly in my gunner’s seat against some pirates. I could at least give her an outstanding show.

Once she was satisfied with the view, had taken her pictures, we moved to sit and talk a bit. A wave of pain hit her; I reached with my mind for her child, trying to soothe it. The child reached for me back, recognizing me. This is a concern. Deomo’s child must not imprint herself onto me. I am not the father and will not allow him to be replaced. No matter how I may wish to be. It will not happen. My soul nor my honor would allow that.

She curled in my lap and began that soft rumble; like a cat’s purr. I felt something from my inner being. A feeling of pure bliss and love wanted to escape. I never wanted to leave this place, this time. I tried to purr as she had.

*purr….cough!! cough!!....purr*

I will have to practice, and dream that we may have many more nights like this one that will give me reason to want to show her what I learn.

Personal Entry- Pain of Heart and Head

This headache is going to make this entry difficult. I do not remember much from yesterday, after my last entry. *pain* I do remember her words…

“Maxell, the child is not yours, it’s Deomo’s”

I remember the shockwave of pain that followed. The primal scream that rose from deep within my soul. I knew the truth, in my heart all along. To hear the words from her lips…Gods it was like my body was thrown into the air and left to drop to its death. This empty, sinking feeling swept through me. I turned, unable to see her, the pain was too much. She reached for my hand, I pulled away. Her touch would surely sear my skin and burn me with pain through to my heart. Gods what now???

She pleaded with me and I finally relented. I felt the tremor of her pain through our bond. My resolve returned, my heart could wait. She needed to be in a medical center, now. Deomo had to know, now. We traveled into Theed and the medical center, this much I remember. Deomo stepped in, my heart sank at the sight, knowing the truth. I had to leave. The sight of them together, the family, was too much to bare. I parted with simple words to Deomo, “reach for the child, soothe her, it helps Scarlet and the child.”

I ran to the shelter of the cantina, determined to hide in a drunken stupor…no smugglers around, hmm, no spice…Good, I did not want any anyway. Luckily I did not have to be tempted. Deomo called me back, I popped a breath cleanser so Scarlet would not smell the weakness on my breath. He beckoned me to the next room. Imploring that Scarlet take it easy the next few days she is with me. How nice of him to grant me this time with our TaiShan, MY TAISHAN!!! I nodded, not wanting to tip the scales of our fragile relationship. The thoughts that went through my head though…Gods…I would be ripping Scarlet’s heart out if I were to do half the things I wanted…

I ran back into the cantina, and….nothing, I do not remember. All I have to show for whatever happened was this hangover, my clothes strewn about my room, and Scarlet by my side.

Duty…I will loose myself to the things I must do. I will go run my errands on Corellia while she sleeps. The temple must be secured, I must purchase weapons to outfit my new tie bomber, and purchase additional medical supplies from Rouge.

Duty…is that all I have now?

Personal Entry- Time Alone.or not?

I spent most of the morning taking care of some loose ends before we left to get away from it all. Scarlet, my TaiShan, and I…well and her unborn child. *hope* Fate seems to have told me who’s it is, as if it is already determined, yet, I still cling to hope. Perhaps Fate will smile on me once. Just once, please…

Reaching for her via our bond, I sensed Scarlet had traveled into town to Theed, specifically in the cantina. She was focused, not even seeing me come in, very unlike her: a Zabrak, especially one trained as a tracker. I sat back and watched her as I siphoned through my comm. messages. Her head rose with a sudden awareness of my presence, she looked at me and smiled. All I could do is smile back. She seemed pained, something was wrong. Perhaps getting away from here, to a going-away party for a novice creature handler that I trained once.

I remember the cute dancer fascinated by my pet as I lumbered into the cantina in Theed after a long fight. She riddled me with questions and asked to see my pets. I beckoned for her to follow me outside and I showed her all of them, each and everyone. She cringed at the arachnids, and jumped with glee at the kitties. I walked her through the basics of pet management. She was so excited…I shall miss Amberlia’s exuberance and youthful innocence.

Scarlet agreed and traveled with me to the small city nestled on a shore. Quite beautiful, I had never been here before. We all talked and the friendly locals came up to Scarlet and introduced themselves. On one level it was funny, seeing the Queen of the Dance of Death with the Blade hover in the background and cringe when a new face approached her. I know she does not like crowds. Some day, with the temple, she must face people freely. On the other hand it was tragic. No doubt, her past life has attributed to this phobia. Perhaps I will endeavor to bring her to more events. The crowd had a duel, a bikini show, and a friendly auction. Amazingly, Elca showed up with some sort of Zabrak bodyguard. Odd…

I sat with scarlet watching the festivities. She leaned into me and once she was done with her datapad, she leaned her head back and asked if we could part. I nodded and we bid our farewells. We traveled along the shoreline and out into the water on our swoops. Finally, curving back to land and a flat spot nestled by palms. Scarlet erected a tent, and I sent Stampy to stand guard, not being too familiar with the area.

We spoke of Kimbrya’s passing, and one of her last tasks for Scarlet; to send a letter to both Deomo and Cauil. It occurred to me that this would be a perfect time to tell her what Fryshka told me about the temple and I, what part I was to play. Then, she began to talk about Avios. Avios? My son? Scarlet said he was so like me, unfortunately, quick to anger, but also skilled with words, very soothing. Avios had the flaw of speaking before he thought, not realizing how deep his words cut. Damn him and his temper. She assured me his intentions were not bad, he just was…immature. At the thought of Avios, my mind quickly turned to Ebe. How lost she has felt as of late, how distant she was to me. Fate, why now? Not while this child is here. This child that may be mine…

Scarlet looked down, then concern hit me. I asked her why she met with Avios. She sighed. Gods she knew, she knew who the father was.

Personal Entry- Revelations Galore

Gods, it was good to see Scarlet up and about, so much energy…It was time I took her hunting, go train my way…Side by side…

We traveled to Tantooine, to the Squill cave. My proximity radar showed a few other hunters scouring the caves, but not too many in that we would not have creatures to fight. I called Envy to help us in our fight: my two Firecats, fight together with me looking over them.

*pride*

She arched her back in a cat like stretch and nodded to me, indicating she was ready. We stepped into the cave entrance and we soon surrounded by Squills, angry that we had invaded our space. Elsewhere in the cave you could hear the clank of a pike, the screech of a dying Squill, and a poor soul yelling for another pair of vibroknuckers. Seems they broke theirs against a rock wall.

Gods how we shredded through the Squill; my Firecats ripping them to shreds, my pistol shots knocking them down and burning their flesh. We explored freely in the cave, coming across the rare traveler. Odd, we turned a corner and toward us, came a SSS soldier. I recognized him by that insignia on his shoulder. I could sense Scarlet tell Deomo that one of his mates was here with us. Then she told me, he was here as well. How odd…

We continued to hunt and I was hit with distress across the bond. Scarlet said that Deomo had cracked his helmet fighting and needed a new one. We turned a corner and he was there. I stood back giving them their space. Scarlet handed Deomo her spare helmet. We soon continued to fight, and get Scarlet experience with her Terra Kais skills. I stood back and lobbed grenades over her head, dropping them on her target.

“No, let her do it by herself, she needs the practice.”

What?!?!?! Who the kark does he think he is intruding on my time with her, telling me how I should train her? I have always, ALWAYS, given them a wide berth when they were together, even at times, leaving the planet. I told Scarlet I would leave, I even turned away to hike out of the cave. She stopped me and said this was my time with her. This was too much…

“Max, I am sorry. She is with you, I apologize for intruding, train her as you see fit.”

*shock*

Gods, the man, err Zabrak I once order assassins to take out…apologizing to me? The Zabrak with whom I could not stand to be in the same room with…apologizing to me? I was at a loss for words. Scarlet and I talked a bit as I am sure my face reflected my confusion. We hunted a bit more as my warning timer went off. It was time for us to leave, our medical enhancements would soon expire.

We ran for the cave entrance, trailing tons of Squill after us. I told Scarlet to jog out, to only run on my command. She got a bit outnumbered, and I could not catch up to her to engage her tormenters or heal her. I panicked a bit. Then, starlight…We were out. Luckily the majority of the Squill focused on me as Scarlet put a bit more distance between herself and the cave. She dispatched one last Squill as I focused on those around me. I ran to her once I was done and stood by her on the mesa top. I quickly dispatched my cambot and took a picture of us, framed by the stars, awash with the moonlight, Envy at our feet.

*love, pride*

We drove all the way to Mos Eisley, enjoying the nightsky, canvassed by the multitude of stars. I arrived at the starport only to notice Scarlet was not there. I checked my proximity monitor and drove to her location, a gravesite, outside the city. War…death…so sad…All of the unfound hatred causing the likes of Kimbrya to be taken, prematurely. I wish it were not so. Scarlet meditated and I knelt to honor the fallen: soldiers, families, innocents…

Arriving back at the starport, we boarded her Sorosub for Theed. We both had business there. Scarlet needed to speak with Elca, and I with Honney about some furniture. Honney whispered to me, “Does she show you the affection you deserve?”

*shock*

What….why did Honney care so? She has a husband, she knows my feelings for Scarlet. She apologized for intruding; quickly realizing she had stepped into something she should not have.

Good, Elca had agreed to watch the temple. Honney mentioned that she may open a mall. Perhaps I will offer my experience to her. I felt discomfort from Sacrlet. We quickly went to a shuttleport and headed for Hendola. I got her inside and she winced in pain. Gods Taishan what is wrong? I closed my eyes and reached for the bond, anything to try to determine what is wrong with her. Kark!!! The child!! I reached for the energy, her child, maybe…our child. I opened my arms to it offering myself to her. I felt comfort and a warmth emanate from it. The energy relaxed, Scarlet relaxed. The pains are the child, and by some means with the bond, I can comfort the two of them. Deomo must know, he must know of this.

She laid in my arms, purring, content. My arms cradling my Taishan…My mind’s arms cradling what I hope is our child, our baby girl. Two loves being held close, I will never let go…

Personal Entry-Truth: A Bantha hoof to the head

I laid Scarlet down to rest. She may tell me she is fine, that, “She is Zabrak.” She is still with child, a frail being in her womb. Scarlet needs to take it easy. She has promised me she would but like any wild animal she is not easily caged *grin*. The only roof that makes her happy at times is one dotted with stars and moons. I hope that Deomo does not push her too much in her training. He seems to have assumed the role of her trainer. I just hope he realizes she is not an Imperial protie, that she is a woman, a Zabrak, and carries…the child to one of us.

Again, I found myself drawn to Fryshka’s shrine. Hopefully she will not speak in riddles. Without the spice my mind is much clearer. I can hear her much better. We spoke at length about many things. Some disturbing, some, well actually quite joyous. I do not know why, but I knew or felt much of what Fryshka said already. I asked her about the child.
“You know in your heart who’s it is”

I asked her about my role in the temple. Why I was called here, what good I could possibly provide.

*shock*

She told me. I already knew the truth.

Personal Entry- Next Chapter

There was much that needed to be done today. One of which, and probably something I have been avoiding, was speaking to Brem and giving him the bracelets that Kimbrya gave to me. I contacted him and we met in the Theed cantina. Deciding discretion would be appropriate; I suggested we go into a back room to talk. He is not dumb, he knows what we were meeting about.

The pain was evident upon his face. I was at a loss for words really. I told him of Mystyn and how death affects us all. I was powerless to save her, much as Brem was with Kimbrya. Mystyn was ill, deathly ill. Kimbrya was as well but it was a painless malady. To know that Kimbrya’s passing was peaceful, that, she welcomed it…I have seen life leave many people’s eyes. Never like this…To see someone pass to be one with the Force, is awe inspiring. I wonder…Was there a reason I was to be the one to witness it? Did someone…something have an ulterior motive? What was it to open my eyes too? I will have to think on this…

Brem seemed to be doing ok. I think he was trying to keep himself together for my sake, not wanting to show weakness in front of me, Zabrak…proud species…I do not know what it is about him. Ever since his trial I have felt a connection with him, almost as if he was my…son. Why am I surrounded by all of these Zabrak? *laugh*

Scarlet commed me and I told her to come to the Theed cantina if she was feeling up to it, that I was speaking with Brem, and that she needed to as well. I sensed her approach and felt her hesitation at the door. I told Brem to come with me outside. Scarlet looked a little weak but a smile broke across her face at the sight of Brem. I told them I had things to do in order to grant them space, and time to revisit their friendship. I know it has been too long.

There was another to speak too. Deomo. For once, anger was not consuming my mind. I knew what had to be done, what I must do. I met him on Dantooine, rather I tracked him down to a lair. He was fighting side by side with Fire’Fly. Damn, Scarlet and I need to move forward with Fire’Fly sometime…Deomo ordered her to grant him some privacy…Odd, perhaps a training mission…We spoke about Scarlet and what our issues do to her. That, for her sake, and her child’s (who’s ever it may be), we must begin to get along. Not just tolerate each other in passing, we must move beyond that. I think Deomo had at least gotten to that point, and I know I have, my hand no longer hovers above my sidearm when he is nearby. Concerned that I may not reach him, and also to give him something tangible to remember our conversation with, I gave him two Nightsister Lances I purchased in Hendola. Not knowing much about polearm tactics, I tried to select Lances that had special abilities that I thought would assist him the best when facing an enemy: man or creature. One lance was blessed with a flame attack that targeted one’s mind; a wicked spell indeed. Then I sensed a wave of dark come over him. Almost like an eclipse, slowly moving across a sun’s surface. Through my bond with Scarlet I could feel his struggle. Remembering my dream I latched my armor on and drew my pistol. I moved to my speeder. I did not want to put him down, not after our talk, it just seemed…Wrong. For him, for us, and for Scarlet, I would run. A simple sacrifice of pride for something greater. He regained his balance, and said all was fine. I approached him, and then extended my hand to his, an offer of the human gesture of shaking hands in order to seal an agreement. Oddly enough, his hand was rising at the same time as mine. We shook.

A new chapter has begun…

Personal Entry- Refocus

What an evening…pain, shame, love…One of these days I would love to get through an evening with no major events, no deep thoughtful talks…

I woke and was soon greeted by the chattering of Deomo and Scarlet hunting together. Strange, this recent awareness of his bond with her is making my TaiShan bond with her intrusive at times. Granted, I have long since come to terms with her feelings for him, and vice versa. The current situation… I wish things were different, I wish there was not this uncertainty. But, that cannot be changed. Things are as they are, and I must come to grips with that. Regardless of how the future may play out, my love for Scar’let will remain unchanged.

There is much ahead of us. The child, Scar’let’s training…Kimbrya charged me with ensuring she becomes more focused. Things have been chaotic lately, I have not helped matters. I know Deomo sense the need for her to be focused as well. He enjoys hunting with her. I never seem to have the time too… then there is Kimbrya, the funeral…Scar’let does not have the strength right now for such a morbid event. Perhaps together, Brem and I can establish a ceremony worthy of honoring her, surprise Scar’let with it. Kimbrya was a loving soul. A sad, morbid event is unacceptable. It will be a celebration of life, a time to be thankful for how Kimbrya has touched us all. Yes, I think we will, assuming Brem is up for it. Scar’let deserves the help, she needs the help. She also needs to learn that I will not allow her to shoulder all of the responsibility of the Temple. She needs the help, and I will ensure she gets it.

To Do List:

Meet Brem
Meet Deomo
Ensure Scar’let meets Elca
Take Scar’let away for a break, just the two of us, to heal each other
Research rites of commitment
Ensure item from Temple remains in hiding until the time is right.

Personal Entry- Aftermath

I sat with my head in my hands just staring. Staring at all that was left of the most caring, kind, loving, and gentle soul. For some reason I was drawn to the holocron and stowed it in my pack. It belongs to the Temple, and will be returned, in time. I must assure it is safe. Tears streamed down my cheeks as Scar’let entered. She nodded to me and sat beside me. We cried together. We spoke of the loss and what Kimbrya has gained. Deep down, I think we both realize she is in a better place, a free place, the place that represents the Beginning and the End, she is one with the Force.

Scar’let wanted to get out of the Temple. For now, it weighed heavily on her heart. I more than understood. We launched into space aboard her sorosub. She seemed so frighten, so scared. She wanted to speak to me about something but was hesitant. It was Deomo, the pendant, and her unborn child. All very difficult issues for her to talk to me about, I have no doubt.

The Pendant- Apparently, Deomo has realized what the Pendant is doing. The only concern now is if he has the will to fight it.

Deomo and I- Hatred? Yes, not for the man, but for what he represents. I have seen nothing but a mindless, bloodthirsty Imperial Soldier. He tortured Kimbrya until she lost her unborn child, Brem’s child. He betrayed us by turning me in, knowing full well of Cauil’s deceit. He knew what was to happen to me once Cauil got his hands on me. Surely Scar’let sees this too. Perhaps she is too blinded by her desire to find the good in him. No matter, it is her choice to look, not mine. Thus far he has demonstrated the person he is. He lives because Sacr’let wishes it, and…needs him too. *pain* At the first sign of him becoming a threat or further deceit, his head will become a fine addition to my trophy room. I know she loves him. I have come to accept that. However I do know he would sooner have me dead, so I remain ever vigilant of his intentions.

The Child- This puts us all in a difficult position. Regardless of who’s it is, I will do what is right, what is best for the child; even if that means leaving Scar’let to Deomo, and living my own life.

*sacrifice*
*A man must do what is right, which is often not what is Easy.”

I will always love Scar’let. It is doubtful I would have the desire to be with another after her. My child or not, my love for her will not falter. One time or another, we must all put someone else before ourselves.

Personal Entry- Fate Chooses Death

The Force is an ambiguous thing. It is assumed that there is a master plan, something to create balance throughout, apparently, at no concern of the costs involved. Last night an Innocent died. I was there. I saw her pass from this world, and move to another.

I have seen death before; from Imperial Troopers to the death caused by my own hands. I have seen the life leave the eyes of my friends, my loved ones...I have also seen the fear leave an enemy's eyes as they slowly pass to another place.

Some how, I knew, tonight was to be the night for her. I do not know if the temple had whispered it to me, or if the Force told me. Why was I to be the one that was there? Why was I chosen? She stood at Fryshka's shrine concentrating, a few small words escaped her lips, a chant of some sort. She was holding a holocron. She noticed my intrusion and said I could stay when I turned to let her be. Kimbrya gave me her medical droid and her swoopbike. I promise Kimbrya, a good home, both will have. *smile* I drove with Scar'let last night on your swoop, I do not know if she recognized it as being yours. Kimbrya also gave me braclets that Brem had given her, to return to him. That will not be easy for him I am sure. He should have been there last night. He will undoubtedly be upset he wasn't. I will have to do what I can for him. Scar'let cannot, she has enough to deal with. After she gave me the braclets she kneeled back down with the holocron in her hands, chanting a bit. An electricity filled the air, a peaceful energy flowed and ebbed around me, rushing towards her, and then...

"...And thus do I commit the lessons and knowledge of those gone before me to this holocron.

May their wise words and secret teachings be available to all those who need to hear them...

Free-Spirit Temple...

A Temple for all Free Spirits,

to live, and worship, and believe as they choose.

For there is no one way

All Faiths are valid

All paths are the Force

There is no Death, there is only the Force.

Peace...

So mote it be..."

Her terran form disappeared. Kimbrya had returned from whence she came, where we all came from. She became one with the Force.

"Thank you Maxell, Blessings"

Gods, Kimbrya, you will be missed by all. I will do what I can for Scar'let and the Temple. That is now my duty. No matter where it takes me, it will be done.

Honor is the law, Love is the bond.

Personal Entry- Release

I woke concerned that I had fallen asleep out in the wild and was rained on. Then it hit me, I am not in the wild, I am in the cave. I am not lying in a puddle. The moisture I feel is my own sweat. Gods, what has happened? Why am I here?

*for her and her child*

Then it hit me. The spice…I reached into my bag for a container of Muon. Looking at it curiously I rolled it around in my hand, studying it from all sides.

*rage*

I throw it up into the air and before it can begin its downward decent, my FWG5 is pulled and a single shot sends it shattering into nothingness. The gun is holstered before the first shard hits the ground.

*No more*

My thoughts return to the one thing that has consumed my mind during its waking hours: Scar’let’s child. Deomo must know. I had considered not telling him, but Scar’let would have once she discovered the truth. How easy it would be to have him killed, raise the child as my own, regardless of if it is or not. Even after all that has happened to me, I cannot bring myself to do such a horrid thing.

“Sometimes, a person has to do what is right, versus what is easy.”

This is right, telling him is right. To hell with meeting him face to face. I cannot even stomach that. To tell a lover of the one I love her child may be his, or mine? No thank you. A simple comm. letter will do. I doubt he would do the same. Deomo seems to have issue with the right versus wrong concept. Everything to him is an order, if it is an order, it is right. I sent him a message then contacted Scar’let via our bond. I could sense her close and could tell she was troubled. She does not know yet. She…did not take it as well as I would have thought. Scar’let was concerned with Deomo and I, not herself as she should be. Deomo was battling the Pendant, but did not seem to realize it. I picked up whispers of his struggle from my bond with Scar’let.

“Go to him Scar’let, he needs you.” She looked at me in shock.

“Sometimes, a person has to do what is right, versus what is easy.”

She would not leave me in my state. I was wounded, badly from my ordeal, but could move and felt reenergized from the lack of poison in my system. Deomo was on Dantooine. I flew ahead to ensure her flight path would be clear. The pirates were no match for my focused rage. The outpost was soon cleared out for Scar’let’s arrival. She insisted I get myself healed. I reached into my pack and began to pull on my flight suit. I struggled. Suddenly, she was behind me. Scar’let smiled at me and reached up and helped me with the suit.

*love*
I left her to deal with Deomo. Once healed, I searched out Ebe. She had to know too. I told her of the baby, and she was excited for me!! *shock* What I did not expect was her anger once I told her of Deomo, and the possibility it was his. I hope Scar’let has the patience to explain to her what is going on. I could not. My anger clouded my words. Again to my shock Ebe surprised me once more, she offered to be Scar’let’s midwife. Gods, that woman…Such strength, such nobility. What a kind heart. She knows nothing but love for others. I welled with pride when she told me of her offer. I could think of no one better suited for the task. I hope Scar’let considers her offer of help.

Mind of Maxell Snow- Cold Kaadu

Why do the cold dark places fascinate me the most? Why am I drawn into space, and now, drawn to this place? No sounds but the dripping of water on the cave floor: constant, never changing… Amazing to think my time with Cauil may have done me good. It may have strengthened me enough to withstand what I am feeling now. The pain is nothing comp…

*searing pain and nausea wrack his body*

*FLASH!!*

A cloudy image of the temple consumed my mind. Scar’let: standing before a crowd of people. I: having to stand in the back at the building terminal to manage security. I see a crowd of people watching her speak in, silent as they consume her words. Pride fills my being as I watch the Priestess glow in her role.

*FLASH!!*

Laser fire, claws and teeth flashing…Battle…Bloodlust, the Dance of Death. Sword flashing as it swirls around her black skirt, bellowing in the wind of her fury. Flesh hanging from the jaws of a Tuskcat, blood upon its fur. The feral breathes; all consuming. Such focus and determination, with a hint of rage.

*FLASH!!*

Ebe standing in a doorway, a small child holding her hand. It is Avios, so young, so pure, hair as black as hers once was, his eyes as blue as mine. His eyes gleamed with the innocence of one not yet touched by the impurities of the world. Ebe smiles at me.

*FLASH!!!*

*Darkness consumes Maxell’s mind*

Deomo, standing before Scar’let, who is badly beaten and injured. He holds a carbine in his hand with the muzzle pointed into her belly. “Not even that can help Deomo,” an odd sounding voice mumbled from Deomo’s lips.

*FLASH!!!*

My hand grips the throat of Cauil as his pleas for mercy hit my ears and rolls off like his blood rolls off of my knuckles. My fingers dig into his flesh and begin to feel the warmth of his blood coat them. His pleas soon become chokes as I can feel his windpipe in my grasp. Pulling and twisting, his eyes begin to look off in the distance, searching for a reason as to how this could have happened, how he….

*FLASH!!!*

I hear the crunch of Deomo’s corpse as my AT-ST trooper guides his vehicle to stride across his body. Finally it is over, everything, everyone, dead…No one is in my way, no one but…

*FLASH!!!*

*the pain stops*

A baby cries, Scar’let comes from a backroom of the temple to check on the basinet left close enough to the fire for warmth but not too close. Her mane of fire-red hair is unkempt; she seems stressed yet is overflowing with joy. She picks up the child which quickly nuzzles her chest, indicating its hunger. She shrugs a shoulder of her dress off exposing one of her breasts for it. She cradles it to her bosom as she softly hums to it. How odd, a human nursery rhyme, yet the baby, is it? Can it be?

My mind’s eye snaps open at the image and I try to peer into my own dream, trying to discover the truth. Then…DAMN!!!! Woken by a passing speeder…

Was it human or Zabrak? Why Gods? Why do you torture me so?

Personal Entry- Drying Out

This may be my last entry for awhile. I have to do what I can to rid myself of this spice. Today I will sequester myself from society until I have rid my body of the spice. Painful, yes it will be very. I have no choice now. Scar'let and her child will need me. Deomo is in no shape to protect. He questions everything after some sort of recent failure. Weak fool, with failure, always comes strength. If he would have listened to Brem's rite he would have known this. Instead his childish anger clouded his mind and he was closed to my words. No matter, I was foolish to ever consider leaving her in anyone's hands but my own. I love her and could never let her go. Regardless of what is thrown at us. The past several weeks have proven this to me.

A friend, Cym, has shown me a solution to my problem. I will take her up on her offer, and use one of her facilities. She is a unique woman, strangly focused for a female, even a female rifleman in the Imperial Army. Perhaps I will learn something of her. Assuming I can do anything in the state I will be in during the next few days.

Remember Scar'let I love you, always and forever. *love, trust*

Personal Entry- Hunger

I travlled to Theed intent on stocking up on my favorite spice, Muon. The only buyer I could find was a guy named Hauke. Bastard, tried to sell me spice...Not with that emblem on his arm. Another member of SSS. Damn them. We started exchanging words when Scarlet came in. She begged me to leave. How could she even understand my hatred for them? Can't she feel it? Can't she sense it across the bond? Perhaps, her mind is elsewhere, on someone else...Deomo. Her precious other TaiShan. Why does she bother with me? She pulled me from the cantina, Hauke laughing as I left. I raged at her outside and she, she just walked away.

*pain*

*TaiShan please help me. The spice, I do not know what it is doing to me, it has been, it has been too long without some.*

Sensing my need she returned and took me to the temple, being sure I went with her on her ship to ensure I did not sneak some that may have been stored on my Tie. We entered the temple and a peace washed over me as it has before. We spoke at great length about us, my health, the spice. I knew I should quit, but it is just so hard. Look at me now? It has only been a few days. Damn, she passed out again. Fyrshka's words come back to me:

"Clean yourself up and figure it out yourself."

Gods, I have tried, but I am so weak to it. Perhaps there is one way, perhaps I will have someone lock myself away. That may be the only way. I carried her down to our bedroom and tried to feel across our bond for something, for anything. then I felt it, something was there, an energy, a being? I could not tell. I pleaded with it, asking why it haunts Scar'let, why it is there. A wave of fear and weakness eminated from it as it cringed from me. Shocked I retreated from the bond. I then went to Fyrshka's shrine to plead for guidance, not knowing where else to turn.
She spoke to me. she told me of the feeling I sensed within Scar'let. My gods, how could I have been so blind??!?! Damn this spice, it has clouded my mind's eye to this. Pregnant. With a child. How could I have done this to her? Make her worry for me? Make her waste her strength on me. I asked Fyrshka why she is doing this, why she talks to me. She said she is my teacher. A teacher of what? To what end? No matter, my concern now is Scar'let and our...kark...child...
Deomo...Deomo was with her as well...no matter. He is irrelevant to me. She is all that matters. No more spice, no more drink. For her, everything...

Personal Entry- Thoughts

Clean myself up? Why? If something was wrong with Scar'let she would tell me...Unless...she didn't know something was wrong. Perhaps Fyrshka is right. Here I am right back at the beginning, Maxell, The Protector. Hmmm, maybe, maybe that is my role in life. Why not? If people are unable to stand up for themselves, someone has too. Someone needs to help those in need. Perhaps Fyrshka is right...

I noticed a shimmering light about Scar'let. One she did not seem to perceive. Odd that she did not notice it. She caught a sense that Deomo was in trouble. She focused, I lent her my strength, what little there was of it. The spice tends to sap you of your energy. She hit a wall, from that pendant I think. The Shadow Ancestors from within. A look came over her. An odd look. Then she spoke: "Scar'let has unfinished business with Deomo and the pendant." Then she fainted. I took her downstairs. then, not knowing what to do I stumbled into Fyrshka's shrine, hoping for some guidance. Instaed, all I got was mroe riddles, more vaugness, and was told once again the need of ridding myself of the spice, for Scar'let's sake. Damn this temple and its voices.

Personal Entry-Fear and a Spirit's Voice

I made sure to take my own Tie Fighter to Dantooine to meet Scar'let to hunt. That way, I could sneak some Moun while she was not there. She does not need to know, it isn't her business. We went hunting then she took me to Wander's End to see a zoo Fyrshka once had, but is now owned by another. Animals galore! How fun!! So peaceful...that is, until we hit the basement level...

bars...bars, cages, confinement...I could sense the fear of the animals. It reverbrated throughout my body, reminding me of my imprisionment. I raged, then my instincts turned on, driving me from that place, I ran and ran. Slamming into the town hall quite by accident, I slumped to the ground, crouched, waiting for an attacker, like a cornered animal. Lost in my feral felling, the muon enhancing my senses, I could hear her getting on her speeder to look for me, I could hear her turn it on, its engines revving. I could hear the sound fade then grow stronger as she frantically searched for me. I could...taste...her fear *smirk, lick lips*

She found me, appearing from the corner abruptly. It startled me back into a deep fearful place. Lost in the feelings and memories of the SSS camp. I watched her as she curiously removed her armor. She stepped to me, and knelt, her hand extended, palm up. I took it curiously. Doesn't seem to be a threat, I tried to remember...*Tai'Shan* I follow her to the temple. Upon entering, a peacefulness washes over me. I remember. Oh gods, what have I done?

I throw up. Scar'let runs for a bucket for me. I try to focus but I cannot keep anything down. Then I hear her.

"Scar'let needs your help. She cannot clone again. The last time was very risky."

What!?!?! what in the gods does this mean? Is she suffering from the same cloning problems that Kimbrya is? Tell me you infernal spirit. Stop with these damned riddles!!! What is wrong with her???

"Clean yourself up and figure it out for yourself."

Personal Entry- Rejection, Failure

Damn the Empire!!! How will I ever escape? How can the possibly believe I will work for them to the best of my abilities after what Cauil has done to me and those around me? But the rebels...idiotic ragtag bunch of thieves and terrorists. Scarlet calls herself a rebel, but she does not participate in the larger scale war...No one holds the answers...

*smashes liquor bottle against the wall and opens another one*
What in the hell is left for me? I am in love, and 'bonded' to a rebel Zabrak that is also bonded to another Zabrak. How can I compete with that? She still has feelings for him even after all he has done to Kimbrya and myself. Her blindness to his hatred and darkness kills me everytime she speaks of him. It is as if he is standing beside me, a knife in my back twisting as he slowly whispers his feelings for her into my ear. No wonder I have revisited my old taste of Muon...the smooth aroma, the strength you feel in your mind. There is nothing quite like it. When mixed with some alcohol, all your worries leave you. No one matters, you feel no pain. Only the now. I do not have to remember the torture, Scarlet's love for another, Mystyn's death, Ebe's shame in me. Nothing matters. Life throws too much at us all. It is amazing we are allowed any solace. The muon grants me this. I will never let go of this feeling. My life is my own. To hell with everyone else!!! Scarlet can go running off to Deomo, she will be fine. No one else needs me, she doesn't even need me. I am my own soul. To hell with this. This life, this path. I think I may dust off my old stormtrooper armor and join the ranks of the grunt. A simple life. No one to answer to but your commanding officer. Only one thing in life to do, kill what is placed before you.
*hiss of Muon is recorded as the entry is closed*

Official Communication: Empire to Maxell

To Agent Mxell Snow

Re: Response to Rquest for Rsignation

We regret to inform you that we are unable to release you from your responsibilities at this time. Contine with your mission identified as mission PX89222. No other missions will be assigned to you in the meantime. We hope that you take this opportunity tosort out any hinderances to your duty. You are a valuable asset to the team. We would loose a worthy peer with your absence.

Captain Sixton Nyefall

Personal Entry- Cool Down

I sit in the Theed cantina watching fools run in to ogle at the entertainment, throw them money, and express their love to any beauty in a skirt. The poor ladies, I pity them. Another empty beer bottle. I knew my vision was getting blurry and that I was quickly becoming drunk. Honney walked in to begin to dance. She is such a nice girl. I am glad to see she has gotten back together with her husband. We talked a bit, then I felt sick so I ran out. I sat against a building in hopes that my head would clear. Honey must have been following me for as I lifted my head she was there. We talked at length, I was, unfortunantly mean to her. Ifelt Scarlet contact me via the bond but I told her to see Deomo. I did not want her to see my in my current state. Her Taishan, a human, weak, frightened, and drunk. Duped by Colonel Cauil, not being able to see his own game being played on himself. Perhaps my love of Scarlet has blinded my eyes, and clouded my judegment. Perhaps she would be, as well as the Temple, if I were to refocus on what is happening, and she continues her life without me, perhaps, Deomo instead.

Honney must have called ebe because she soon showed up. She shook her head in shame at my condition and she insisted I went home. Honney and Ebe discussed my well-being as I sat wondering what I should do.

“Another reason why we are no longer together.”

The shock of Ebe’s words, and the shame I felt jarred me back into reality.

Scarlet contacted my again via the bond, this time, panicked, in pain. Gods, she had died, was cloned and now sat wounded and confused in a cloning center. I focused my mind and quickly sobered up enough to travel to her and help her. Had I caused this? Had she felt my shame and my doubts of us? I could barely hold my head up to her I was so ashamed at my thoughts.

We travelled to my house and talked. It pained me to see the worry in her eyes. What have I done?

Official Communication: Maxell to the Empire

To the Office of the Imperial Inquisitor

Re: Resignation

This message is an official request to be released of all duties pertaining to planet side responsibilities with the Imperial Navy. Recent events have limited my functionality in my current role. I am unable to complete routine duties due to involvement and harassment from other Imperial Divisions. At your convenience I will report to you and hand over all sensitive materials.

Freedom; Mind of Maxell Snow

Light flooded the room as my tormentor strode in. The machine's low, dull hum continued. The pain, continued. I could feel her somewhere. She was worried and concerned, yet strangely determined and focused. It suddenly occurred to me that I may have weakened her so much be calling upon her feral nature via the bond, that she would be foolish and run into a fight foolishly.

Odd, Cauil had a pained look upon his face. His clothing was burned badly in places, and sliced open in others.
Battle, I could smell it on him; his blood, his pain…

*feral*

I feigned being passed out as he approached me. Perhaps this would afford me the opportunity to finish what someone else had started. He slowly reached for the chair’s manacles.

*confusion*

He released them and before he could get a word out, my FWG5 was in my hand. Foolish guards…You should always search your prisoner. Up from the chair I lunged, only to fall to my knees in pain. The days of torture had taken their toll. I was in no shape to fight, yet, he was so close. So very close.

*rage, feral*

I crawled for his feet, anything of his that I could grip, so I could render him to nothingness with the force of my anger. Nothing…

“You have been released, you are free to go if you have the strength.”

*rage, animalistic instincts scream a trap*

Despreatly I crawl for him, able to get the strength to rise to my knees. Cauil grabbed my pistol from me.

*Tai’Shan, I am here. Come outside*

Then I smelled her. The smell of a warrior who is mastering the Dance of Death. The smell of my love, the one for which all this is for. My Tai’shan. Memories flooded back into my head..

*flash*
Hunting along side her, healing her as I blast away with my pistol and bark orders to Envy
*flash*
Her rite on Lok*
*flash*
Up on the top deck of my ship, together*
*flash*
MY house, swimming in the pool
*flash*
The Temple, Fyrshka’s shrine, Scar’let’s whispers of love.

Cauil opened the outer door to the holding cells. There, standing upon the entry way, her battle dress put away, her sword sheathed, she stood. Cauil strode out and returned my pistol to me.

“Go away from here with her. You are now free." Then he stood there.

*hate, rage, bloodthirst*

I charged him then Scar’let stepped into my path. Damn, her, what is she doing? Why won’t she let me at his throat?

*move Tai’shan, let me end this*
She stood her ground and shook her head no. She spoke of a promise to Cauil. A promise to Cauil?!?! Was I betrayed by yet another??!?! Scar’let calmly turned towards him and told him to leave us, return to his holding cells and lock the door. SLAM!!! Damn her! I rushed the door trying to get in; clawing scratching, raging at the durasteel keeping me from my prey. Why did she let him go?

*Tai’Shan please, leave here with me, it is time we should leave*
My mind was slammed with worry from her, she began to falter. Whatever had previously happened had begun to take its toll on her mind. The pain in my Tai’Shan’s eyes opened my own eyes. I was out, free, no more pain, no more restraints. She held her hand out to me, palm facing up. How deep in the feral am I to have her do what I once did for her so that she would trust me?

I must focus for her. Pull myself back. The rage ebbed and I took her hand as she smiled.

We jumped on our speeders and drove out. I had no idea what direction. Suddenly she asked me to stop. I did, and as I stumbled off of my bike, I turned around and was face to face with Ebe.
*confusion*
Ebe smiled at me and hugged me, glad that I was free. She was glowing yet had that steely determined look I have seen on her face on so many hunts before. The pain she can inflict on creature and Rebel alike. It is awe inspiring. She was in that deep zone of focus, I recognized the Talusian camo kit she wore across her shoulders. Is Ebe hunting?

“Follow us at 300 meters. Alert me if we are followed.”
Ebe nodded and disappeared into the undergrowth as only a Master Ranger can. Scar’let then picked up her comm..
“Yes, we are returning now, yes I have him. Clear the base and secure the perimeter.”

Scar’let? Is…giving orders? How long was I detained? What has occurred in my abscense?

*Tai’shan, we must be on our way, set your speeder to follow me*

I nodded, not wanting to question what was going on…Yet. We soon arrive to the Talusian Imperial Base, welcomed by the sounds of blaster fire, and a smell. That smell, flesh being scorched by the heat of a light saber. A Jedi!! Here!!?!? My gods we were under attack. I looked at Scar’let questioningly, probably with a look of panic on as I reached into my pack that was on my speeder for my armor.
*Get down, and stay down*
I dropped to the ground. Avios?!! Here? He smiled at me with a certain glow I have never seen from him. I wish I could sense anything from him, damn this lack of empathy. My son, my ex-wife for whom I care greatly still, my Tai’shan: one mind, body, and spirit…Together…
A few well trained rebels stood side by side of a jedi decimating the Imperial forces. Serves them just as well. I relished the site of death spreading across the same faces that turned their back on me as Deomo paraded me through the base. Once it was all over the small band cheered and congratulated Scarlet. She blushed. Ebe hugged me, joyed that I was free. Then, Ebe and Scar’let hugged each other. Gods…A sight I thought I would never see. Everyone was parting ways, then I saw him, unaware of my gaze boring through his back. I readied my FWG5 for one well placed shot at the base of his skull.

*No Tai’shan, you mustn’t…A life for a life, yours for his.*

I closed my eyes trying to quell the feral calling to me. Luckily he boarded his shuttle before I opened them back up. I could feel Scar’let waiver. I thanked everyone for their help, even though I knew not what had occurred. Scar’let and I returned to the Temple, her exhausted, me: tired and confused. We talked of what happened.

*you gave orders Tai’shan?* *pride*

I grinned as she blushed. She tried to fuss at me for making that her rite. I tried to focus long enough to tell her what I knew, what I think she learned. Scar’let learned that she can be a leader, that, at times, she must be one. Tonight, I think she did, under the most dire of circumstances.

Now, to figure out why Fyrshka told me what she did, how she knew it would turn out well. Why she is doing this to us…but that will have to wait another time. Tonight, I will sleep in my lover’s arms…never to let go again.

*love*

Torture: Day 3; Mind of Maxell Snow

I do not know when I passed out during the night. The hum of the machine I had a hand in creating was oddly silent.

*needle stuck into arm*
"We will need to administer this IV drip to him to keep him alive during the upcoming days. The body tries to shut down to protect the mind. We cannot allow that to happen."

My eyes bolt open to see Him before me again, Cauil...

*salivate at the sight of his exposed flesh*

...thoughts of sinking my teeth into his flesh and thrusting my hand into his chest to touch his beating heart...the warmth of his insides, his blood coating my arm and dripping to the floor. "Look at the blood dripping on the floor Cauil. Does it remind you of someone? A poor innocent girl? A girl who's unborn child you aborted by your order...did her blood drip on the floor too? Did you grin at the sight of the mess as I am grinning at your face as it slowly looses color?"

*whisper* Cauil...

I hear the hum of the machine kick back on as the pain slowly begins to course through my body once again.

"Yes, no you must come to him quickly, he is in surgery."

*confusion*

"We need to meet so you can see him."

*rage, struggling against the bonds on the chair, ignoring the pain*

Touch her and your head will be on a pike at the Talus base. My pets will toy with your people, slicing their bellies open, then watching their prey succumb to shock as they sit calmly by, waiting for them to die. I will feast on your soul and the flesh of your men as they scream for death instead of facing my rage.

His eyes met mine. Then he left me to the machine.

*TaiShan!! Ebe, protect her, please*

Torture: Day 2; Mind of Maxell Snow

Queen's Retreat...crowds of people, a wedding, I am there kneeling before Ebe. She is looking down at me with tears welling up in her eyes. She is smiling. I hear clapping, cheering, it is almost deafening.

**JOLT!!! PAIN, RAGE, FERAL**

Step closer Cauil...let me rid you of that hand. Let me feel the tendons snap as I rip it form your arm...Tasting the blood, tasting the flesh, tasting your fear at what you have created...

**blackness**

The streets of Keren...rushing through them on speeders, Mystyn close behind me. She stops on a hillside. I am circling back to see what is going on. She sets up a small camp on the hillside to take in the view. A sunset, framed by the rolling, green hills of the naboo country side and clear sky. Sitting side by side, talking, laughing. I turn to her wide loving eyes. I slowly move towards her lips, her eyes close, then do mine....

**SHOCK!!! PAIN, NEEDLE IN ARM, IV DRIP, EXTREEM FERAL RAGE, CALLING THE FERAL IN SCAR'LET, REACHING FOR MORE, TOUCHING THE FERAL IN DEOMO VIA SCAR'LET'S BOND WITH HIM, RAGE**

Klink!! Klink!!...Klink!! Argghhh!!! The Dance of Death. A beautiful angel covered in shiny, dark red armor. An angel of vengance and destruction, ultimately tempered only by her beauty and self-control. My Tai'Shan. My lover. My only. One mind, one body, one spirit.

*smile*

I see her joy standing and talking to the wookies about the life day. I see her cute nose as she peers over my pool's edge. I see her get frustrated at her ships controls. I see her smirk as I calmly reach down and press the button she was searching for. I see her in the temple sitting in the main ceremony room. I see her looking down at me as I kneel before the shrine to a fallen friend.

*love, Tai'Shan*

**PAIN, HEAT, ELECTRICITY, BURNING**

*eyes close*

*grin*

You will never beat me Cauil, I will never break. Stop wasting your time and mine. Kill me now, I fear nothing, not you, not death, not my future...

Torture: Day 1; Mind of Maxell Snow

That voice had said to trust. Not Scar'let's voice, but another from the temple. I largly dismissed it as whispers from a long dead soul. This was my game. I knew what was before me. I knew what Imperials did to prisioners to extract confessions and information, I am one of the best at doing so. I also know how to withstand their devices. Most, I had a hand in designing. My background as a weaponsmith led to some very interesting breakthroughs in torture devices. My favorite being the Y7G-Synapse Modifier. Around the shop we called it the mind bender. Quite a nasty piece of work. Unfortunantly many of my previous assignments utilizing that device left many a suspected terrorist...well, let's say less than whole...

Light suddenly flowed into my cell from the outer door opening. Voices....familiar...

Shock...I never thought I would see that face turn the corner and peer at me through my bars. He was calm, relaxed, determined. Yet there was a darkness about him...**betrayal, shock**

Reminds me of when the Fates took Mystyn from me. I never saw that coming, one day, she just passed on. Dead...out of my life forever. The memories will remain though. I will always look fondly back on our time together.

He spoke to me, gave me a list of my offenses. There were none so I did not bother reading them. The cell doors open and I am escorted to the chair that I find myself in now. My god...the mind bender, but with some noticable modifications *worry transitions to bravery*

*feral*

*smile* He does not know what he is up against. He thinks simple pain may break me, break my will. *TaiShan...betrayed....Cauil....he betrayed....everything* I did not know...this I did not see coming. However....*trust*...I have asked it of so many, perhaps I should try to do the same.

*glare* Deomo...I knew he was nothing more than Cauil's lapdog. To imagine I helped piece him together not to long ago, I bandaged his wounds and hired an entertainer to ease his mind. the entertainer was there in 10 minutes. All the way from Naboo to Dantooine. Traitor...he betrayed me, he betrayed his Tai Shan...my Tai shan...MY TAI SHAN!!!! *FERAL*

*PAIN*

*growl* Someone will pay for this treachery, blood will be spilled. Their hands will be stained by the blood of my victims. Their sleep will be cursed with the howls of my prey. I will feast at the death I leave in my wake, my pain will be cleansed with destruction. They will be forever looking over their shoulder, unsure of what creeps behind them, weary of what lays ahead...

*PAIN, FERAL*

A hand reaches for me....*SNAP!!!!* Almost...to sink my teeth in my tormentor's flesh, to feels his bones snap from my jaw.... *bloodlust*

*grin*

"16 days is the longest anyone has lasted, a poor Trandosian..."

"16 days? That's all? Stop wasting my time. Do it Deomo, do your duty..."

*SNARL*

Personal Entry- Day of Reckoning

"You know you must...for her, and for yourself. Trust your Tai'Shan. Do not waiver in your convictions now."

Why not? Waivering would mean gaurunteed survival. Sure I would be hunted, but I have been hunted before, most of my life. Scar'let would have Deomo to help her. He could protect her. Perhaps that is the best option. End the Empire's hunt for the temple. Give them myself, let Scar'let move on to perhaps one better suited to be her Tai'Shan...*sacrifice*

*Tai'Shan!!! Please...help, it is Deomo, he faught Aico, he is badly beaten.* The bond calls, and I must answer...How could I ever turn my back on the bond? Her? Our love? I knew the answer before I responded, *Wait there and be careful*. Jumping on my speeder to meet them at the temple, I contemplated what I was doing. Here I was rushing to help Scar'let's other Tai'Shan, her other lover *pain*, the person tasked with arresting me. What have I become? Why have I not ordered his death and begun my process of disappearing? *duty, honor*

Scar'let had erected a small field base to help with treating his wounds. When I arrived she was frantically rushing around his limp body, trying to stop the bleeding. Her tiny med robot, Pips always underfoot, unsure of where it needed to go. I gently pulled her aside, as I pulled out my comm to call in a favor of an entertainer guild. the dispatched someone to my location as I bagan the task of putting my Tai'shan's lover back together. *pain, honor* Scar'let whispered words to him as I jostled his body, trying to gain access to the massive wounds. She reassured him that everything was fine. He was confused, lost, unsure of where he was or what was going on. I ignored it all, and focused on my work. He was her Tai'shan, as am I. Without him, she is not whole. Without me, she will need him. He must live for her, she will need his strength. Once the dancer arrived we moved him into the Temple. She sat with him and held him in her arms as he weakly peered up to the lithe form moving before him. He began to become coherent from the dancing, his mind healing, remembering...Allowing his duty to be postponed, and having the sight of him in her arms be too much for me, I retreated to the shrine in the basement, giving the spirit of the fallen hero a soft prayer and a few tears.

Scar'let reached to me asking what was wrong, I assured her I was fine and that I would rejoin them once Deomo was in better shape. Once he was I stepped upstairs and out onto the entry way of the temple, looking at the Dantooine sky, knowing this may be my last chance. Scar'let came out, worried. I told her to have faith and be strong. She will be victorious over what is about to be laid before her. A tear formed, then on her, we hugged. It pained me to let go. So much so that I knew at that moment I was not letting go of her forever, that I was not giving up on our bond, our love. Control, I was giving up control of my life and entrusting it with another: my Tai'Shan, my love...Mind, Body, and Spirit, as one.

I suppose Deomo knew to give us some time to ourselves, for shortly after he gingerly sauntered out and stood before me. Face to face with destiny. I offered my hands for the application of his restraints. He asked for my weapons. Foolish...or...trusting, he did not ask for ALL of my weapons nor did he search me. Bad idea. Even though I have willingly offered myself up to this, what may be the final chapter of my life, I do not plan to go easily, or without a fight. He bound my wrists as I sat upon my speeder, and reached to my controls to make my speeder follow his own. Long since I had augmented my speeder with an access code that causes it to only accept commands once it is entered, since he had not, my speeder would not follow. No matter, my word is my bond, I followed him duitfully. We shuttled to Talus. I sensed, remorse...Weak fool. "Do your duty Deomo, for her sake." I would not have his weakness risk her. He escroted me to their city's holding cell. Wow, three imperial bases together, SSS is much stronger then I had imagined. We travelled to the holding cell where he opened the door for me. I stepped inside and sat wit hmy back to the wall, facing outwards towards the door of the cell. How odd, perhaps a long lost instinct of man. Again, he hesitated, pausing when he should have slammed the door shut. Again I told him of his duty, my anger rising that he would risk everything, without thinking. It was done. I was in custody and awaiting my future.

"I love you my Tai'Shan, remember... trust"

Personal Entry- No Arrest???

They never came. For a time I sat on the Temple steps, just waiting. My comm was activated and was sending a signal to Deomo, telling him my location. Perhaps he was called away on duty. No matter, I am not one to look a gift Ikopi in the mouth...

I felt along my bond for Scar'let. There was confusion and a bit of sadness. "Tai'Shan, I thought to her...I calmly tracked her down and travelled to her on my speeder. I found her standing at a shuttleport, somewhat unattached and distant. Once she saw me, she lit up. I walked to her and held out my hands. "Not today Tai'Shan, let us go hunt." I wanted to see her Dance of Death one more time. I wanted to have a crisp picture of her lithe form dancing with her blade, beckoning her enemies to join her on their dancefloor of destiny. She looked at me with concern and asked if I wanted to get buffed. "No, there is no need." Perhaps it was foolishness, knowing what was soon in store for me. Honestly, it was bravery, to know that I was with her and her steel blade, along with my cats. *smile* my firecats...

I had to just sit back and watch her dance, side by side with Envy, my Fire-red Gurrcat. I was lost deep in thought...Beauty and strength, as one. Every so often she faltered, and I applied a stim to her. She didn't even seem to notice. So sure of herself, and my presence, it was as if she knew she would not fall, that I would not let her. My mind drifted back to the temple and the voice. "Trust, trust in what you have to do, and trust in her." That voice....why does it haunt me? Why am I drawn to it? So lost was I in thought I did not notice the Hurton nipping at my arm as I sat. I passed out momentarily.. I could still sense the panic from the bond as Scarlet saw my predicament. Frantically, she searched her pack for stims. Unable to do find any and unable to turn me over to get to mine, she continued her fight, wracked with worry. "Tai'Shan, I will be fine." I suddenly regained conscienceness and applied first aid to my gashed arm. She turned to me and I slipped a stim into her pack. "Just in case."

We did not need it, not with her strength and willful eye turned towrd me every so often. I focused more on her graceful dance until we were done. Panting she informed me she was tired of fighting for today, that we shoudl do something else. I suggested the temple. On the way back, she wanted to show me something in Eden. Eden? How ironic, a bit too close to the name of my former city, Eden's Grief. She was...for lack of a better word, glowing, she excitedly told me to follow her to the center of the city. There, was a fallen AT-AT in the swamp. Amazing to think of the battle that must have occured here and the strength of the rebels that brought that monstrosity down. I had to get a better look at this. We walked to the water's edge where I begun to shuck my clothing, opting for a swimsuit. I jumped in and began to swim out to the sight before me. I heard...no, felt a whimper across the bond. I stopped to look back at Scarlet, she was pacing the water's edge, desperate to get closer to me. Suggesting she join me she shook her head negatively. Incedible to think this creature that once stood to Sith Lords in a battle, and mroe recently to a hunter's camp of Kunga's, would be scared to swim. I swam back and forth a bit, showing her the ease in it. "Go change Scarlet, change into the suit I gave you for my pool." She sighed and retreated to behind a building, apparently too shy to change in front of me. I snuck out of the water and startled her just as she was putting her top on. She blushed, the warrior blushed... *smile*

I finally coaxed her into the water, little by little. She took to the water like a natural, her graceful form gliding across the surface. We swam out to the AT-AT and then around it. I marvelled at its construction. Always being a fan of ingenius engineering, this was certainly a prime example of such a thing.

Both exhausted we jumped on our speeders and retreated to the temple, not taking our suits off, being dried by the Dantooine air rushing past us. We arrived to the temple, Scarlet before me. I found her standing at the firepit, beaming at a bantha charm sitting on its edge. "Brem" That was enough, I knew she needed some time so I retreated to Fyrshka's shrine. I prayed to her to grant me strength and watch out for Scarlet in my absence which I knew was to soon be upon us. I stood and Scarlet was there looking at my questioningly. I just smiled and motioned for her to join me in our room. We slept, together, for one more night. I will hold the memory of her closeness with me always. It will grant me the strength I will need in the upcoming days.

Personal Entry- Meeting my Future Face on

Today is the day of my arrest...I waited patiently, even searched out Deomo to turn myself in. No word...I continued to travel around, visiting my favorite spots, walk the streets of Keren, Eden's Grief to smirk at the city that caused me much grief, Scar'let's Temple, my house in Hendola, the house Ebe and I once shared in Eden's Grief, and the place I sat with Mystyn, watching the sunset outside of Keren. All pleasant times. I will miss them, I will miss them all. I especially will miss holding Scarlet in my arms as we chat, her head in my lap as I stroke her head lightly, a soft purr noise emminating from her chest.

I do not know what lies before me. I do know I have no choice. I am guilty of nothing but love and honor. Love of my TaiShan....and honor to my morals. Much time has been spent in my life breaking people, tormenting and causing them to do ill. At times, yes I enjoyed it. It was a fun game. Pulling the marionet strings in others' lives. I fear my zeal for torture will strengthen me too much...that my mind will be able to far outlast my body...I wish...I could feel the empathy, perhaps I could wall off the pain...no matter, I have other strengths to draw on.

Avios-I have watched you grow from a mere child to a man. It makes me proud that you have found enjoyment with your work, that you own and run your own business. You are all a father could ask for in a son. Help your mother. Do what you can to protect her.

Ebe- My love for you knows no bounds. You have taught me much in life. Lessons I hold true to my heart. I will miss our sorties flown in space. I will miss your kisses on my ship hull with your own. *smiles* The nights sitting and chatting will always be with me. Our first date in my house, proposing to you at Grud's first wedding, to our ceremony...we had a wonderful life. It is rare that I admit failure. With you, I failed. Letting go of you was the bigest mistake of my life. You honor me by continuing to be the caring, loving woman you have always been to me.

Mystyn- We shared some wonderful times together. I hurt when I think I lost you to the blackness that consumed your heart. Deep down, I know you are in a better place now, a happier place, for you.

Scar'let- I have no words...No words, from any language can describe the feelings I have for you. you have opened my eyes to a way of life, and a truth that I always recognized, but never fully believed in. You have a strong soul, and an even stronger will. Your faith in life and faith in the good in people will lead you to help many people that cross your path. Do not falter should I fall, have faith. Draw on the strength you contain within. You have learned to better contain your feral nature...reach for your other strengths. At one time, I could feel more within you, I am blinded to it now. Reach for it, walk the path in your mind to that power and harness it. Please...tell Fyrshka I am sorry I failed her. Please watch out for my family should things go bad. I fear for what either of them may do. Both can be headstrong and passionate for those they love. As am I for you....

Journal Entry- Playing with Fire

I find myself surrounded with conflict. A jabbering fool, Aico, who does nothing besides talk. he thinks he is tormenting people but I, as I hope Scarlet, know him for what he is...a shadow of a threat...
Deomo..I have no words for this man. In the days shortly after this, I must trust that he will protect Scarlet, and not take advantage of a situation. Difficult considering I would sooner have him dead. He has caused much grief in my life, and now...with Scarlet...but it was her choice...Not my place to control...as if I have ever had control...I wonder....I wonder if the words she whispers to me are the same as those she whispers to him? It pains me to think of such a thing. Not today, not this last day...

She met me in the Theed cantina, bowing again, to a good friend of mine, yet not needing too. The dancer chuckled at her, as did I. Rare to see such honor in a cantina. It is not often you see someone bowing at an entertainer unless it is to look up their skirt. We left for my house soon after. I really didn't know what we were going to do. I was just so happy to have her to myself. No rites, no one bothering us...I was the happiest I had been in quite awhile. Proudly, I showed her my meditation room. Deciding I needed a place away from the temple I had been endevouring to create my own place. I showed her my pool, and even enticed her to wade in with me. I know she does not like tha water, but I have decided I will teach her to swim...someday....This was a good first step.

I decided that it was time to face what I felt across our bond. Something had changed, something was different. Her and Deomo... *pain* As of yet, I do not realize why she reaches to him, the TaiShan bond? Is that it, or is there something else? My hand trembled as I reached for my comm to green light the assassination of him when I first realized the truth. I stopped, remembering what his death would do to her. I remembered what is soon to happen to me. I will need him to help her, she will need his strength for what is ahead.

Her rite...cruel, perhaps...but this will test her maybe beyond the limits of her first rite. I know, or...I sense for her to be a leader of the Temple, she must have the strength to endure the worst possible hardship. she will have to utilize her strengths and hopefully, learn some of my skills to get the job done. I have put things in place for myself. Including comm links in various jails all over the galaxy. Extra food and supplies are stored outside of the prision for a potential escape.

She can do it, she has heard me speak of friends...perhaps if she uses them, she will do much better than she fears... I will not waste discovery on a journal entry...All communication will be with my TaiShan. I love you Scarlet, always remeber "trust" and "love". We will always have the bond.