Monday, January 03, 2005

Personal Entry- Meeting my Future Face on

Today is the day of my arrest...I waited patiently, even searched out Deomo to turn myself in. No word...I continued to travel around, visiting my favorite spots, walk the streets of Keren, Eden's Grief to smirk at the city that caused me much grief, Scar'let's Temple, my house in Hendola, the house Ebe and I once shared in Eden's Grief, and the place I sat with Mystyn, watching the sunset outside of Keren. All pleasant times. I will miss them, I will miss them all. I especially will miss holding Scarlet in my arms as we chat, her head in my lap as I stroke her head lightly, a soft purr noise emminating from her chest.

I do not know what lies before me. I do know I have no choice. I am guilty of nothing but love and honor. Love of my TaiShan....and honor to my morals. Much time has been spent in my life breaking people, tormenting and causing them to do ill. At times, yes I enjoyed it. It was a fun game. Pulling the marionet strings in others' lives. I fear my zeal for torture will strengthen me too much...that my mind will be able to far outlast my body...I wish...I could feel the empathy, perhaps I could wall off the matter, I have other strengths to draw on.

Avios-I have watched you grow from a mere child to a man. It makes me proud that you have found enjoyment with your work, that you own and run your own business. You are all a father could ask for in a son. Help your mother. Do what you can to protect her.

Ebe- My love for you knows no bounds. You have taught me much in life. Lessons I hold true to my heart. I will miss our sorties flown in space. I will miss your kisses on my ship hull with your own. *smiles* The nights sitting and chatting will always be with me. Our first date in my house, proposing to you at Grud's first wedding, to our ceremony...we had a wonderful life. It is rare that I admit failure. With you, I failed. Letting go of you was the bigest mistake of my life. You honor me by continuing to be the caring, loving woman you have always been to me.

Mystyn- We shared some wonderful times together. I hurt when I think I lost you to the blackness that consumed your heart. Deep down, I know you are in a better place now, a happier place, for you.

Scar'let- I have no words...No words, from any language can describe the feelings I have for you. you have opened my eyes to a way of life, and a truth that I always recognized, but never fully believed in. You have a strong soul, and an even stronger will. Your faith in life and faith in the good in people will lead you to help many people that cross your path. Do not falter should I fall, have faith. Draw on the strength you contain within. You have learned to better contain your feral nature...reach for your other strengths. At one time, I could feel more within you, I am blinded to it now. Reach for it, walk the path in your mind to that power and harness it. Please...tell Fyrshka I am sorry I failed her. Please watch out for my family should things go bad. I fear for what either of them may do. Both can be headstrong and passionate for those they love. As am I for you....


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