Personal Entry- Hunger

I travlled to Theed intent on stocking up on my favorite spice, Muon. The only buyer I could find was a guy named Hauke. Bastard, tried to sell me spice...Not with that emblem on his arm. Another member of SSS. Damn them. We started exchanging words when Scarlet came in. She begged me to leave. How could she even understand my hatred for them? Can't she feel it? Can't she sense it across the bond? Perhaps, her mind is elsewhere, on someone else...Deomo. Her precious other TaiShan. Why does she bother with me? She pulled me from the cantina, Hauke laughing as I left. I raged at her outside and she, she just walked away.

*pain*

*TaiShan please help me. The spice, I do not know what it is doing to me, it has been, it has been too long without some.*

Sensing my need she returned and took me to the temple, being sure I went with her on her ship to ensure I did not sneak some that may have been stored on my Tie. We entered the temple and a peace washed over me as it has before. We spoke at great length about us, my health, the spice. I knew I should quit, but it is just so hard. Look at me now? It has only been a few days. Damn, she passed out again. Fyrshka's words come back to me:

"Clean yourself up and figure it out yourself."

Gods, I have tried, but I am so weak to it. Perhaps there is one way, perhaps I will have someone lock myself away. That may be the only way. I carried her down to our bedroom and tried to feel across our bond for something, for anything. then I felt it, something was there, an energy, a being? I could not tell. I pleaded with it, asking why it haunts Scar'let, why it is there. A wave of fear and weakness eminated from it as it cringed from me. Shocked I retreated from the bond. I then went to Fyrshka's shrine to plead for guidance, not knowing where else to turn.
She spoke to me. she told me of the feeling I sensed within Scar'let. My gods, how could I have been so blind??!?! Damn this spice, it has clouded my mind's eye to this. Pregnant. With a child. How could I have done this to her? Make her worry for me? Make her waste her strength on me. I asked Fyrshka why she is doing this, why she talks to me. She said she is my teacher. A teacher of what? To what end? No matter, my concern now is Scar'let and our...kark...child...
Deomo...Deomo was with her as well...no matter. He is irrelevant to me. She is all that matters. No more spice, no more drink. For her, everything...