Sunday, January 02, 2005

Journal Entry- Playing with Fire

I find myself surrounded with conflict. A jabbering fool, Aico, who does nothing besides talk. he thinks he is tormenting people but I, as I hope Scarlet, know him for what he is...a shadow of a threat...
Deomo..I have no words for this man. In the days shortly after this, I must trust that he will protect Scarlet, and not take advantage of a situation. Difficult considering I would sooner have him dead. He has caused much grief in my life, and now...with Scarlet...but it was her choice...Not my place to control...as if I have ever had control...I wonder....I wonder if the words she whispers to me are the same as those she whispers to him? It pains me to think of such a thing. Not today, not this last day...

She met me in the Theed cantina, bowing again, to a good friend of mine, yet not needing too. The dancer chuckled at her, as did I. Rare to see such honor in a cantina. It is not often you see someone bowing at an entertainer unless it is to look up their skirt. We left for my house soon after. I really didn't know what we were going to do. I was just so happy to have her to myself. No rites, no one bothering us...I was the happiest I had been in quite awhile. Proudly, I showed her my meditation room. Deciding I needed a place away from the temple I had been endevouring to create my own place. I showed her my pool, and even enticed her to wade in with me. I know she does not like tha water, but I have decided I will teach her to swim...someday....This was a good first step.

I decided that it was time to face what I felt across our bond. Something had changed, something was different. Her and Deomo... *pain* As of yet, I do not realize why she reaches to him, the TaiShan bond? Is that it, or is there something else? My hand trembled as I reached for my comm to green light the assassination of him when I first realized the truth. I stopped, remembering what his death would do to her. I remembered what is soon to happen to me. I will need him to help her, she will need his strength for what is ahead.

Her rite...cruel, perhaps...but this will test her maybe beyond the limits of her first rite. I know, or...I sense for her to be a leader of the Temple, she must have the strength to endure the worst possible hardship. she will have to utilize her strengths and hopefully, learn some of my skills to get the job done. I have put things in place for myself. Including comm links in various jails all over the galaxy. Extra food and supplies are stored outside of the prision for a potential escape.

She can do it, she has heard me speak of friends...perhaps if she uses them, she will do much better than she fears... I will not waste discovery on a journal entry...All communication will be with my TaiShan. I love you Scarlet, always remeber "trust" and "love". We will always have the bond.

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