Personal Entry- Pain of Heart and Head

This headache is going to make this entry difficult. I do not remember much from yesterday, after my last entry. *pain* I do remember her words…

“Maxell, the child is not yours, it’s Deomo’s”

I remember the shockwave of pain that followed. The primal scream that rose from deep within my soul. I knew the truth, in my heart all along. To hear the words from her lips…Gods it was like my body was thrown into the air and left to drop to its death. This empty, sinking feeling swept through me. I turned, unable to see her, the pain was too much. She reached for my hand, I pulled away. Her touch would surely sear my skin and burn me with pain through to my heart. Gods what now???

She pleaded with me and I finally relented. I felt the tremor of her pain through our bond. My resolve returned, my heart could wait. She needed to be in a medical center, now. Deomo had to know, now. We traveled into Theed and the medical center, this much I remember. Deomo stepped in, my heart sank at the sight, knowing the truth. I had to leave. The sight of them together, the family, was too much to bare. I parted with simple words to Deomo, “reach for the child, soothe her, it helps Scarlet and the child.”

I ran to the shelter of the cantina, determined to hide in a drunken stupor…no smugglers around, hmm, no spice…Good, I did not want any anyway. Luckily I did not have to be tempted. Deomo called me back, I popped a breath cleanser so Scarlet would not smell the weakness on my breath. He beckoned me to the next room. Imploring that Scarlet take it easy the next few days she is with me. How nice of him to grant me this time with our TaiShan, MY TAISHAN!!! I nodded, not wanting to tip the scales of our fragile relationship. The thoughts that went through my head though…Gods…I would be ripping Scarlet’s heart out if I were to do half the things I wanted…

I ran back into the cantina, and….nothing, I do not remember. All I have to show for whatever happened was this hangover, my clothes strewn about my room, and Scarlet by my side.

Duty…I will loose myself to the things I must do. I will go run my errands on Corellia while she sleeps. The temple must be secured, I must purchase weapons to outfit my new tie bomber, and purchase additional medical supplies from Rouge.

Duty…is that all I have now?