Personal Entry- Fate's End Part I

I have discovered what I have become, or rather, what I have always been. My bloodlust and desire to inflict pain was always masked by my innate desire to help those that cannot help themselves, and to also protect those dear to me. The shame of my recent failures caused a schism within. The dark desires: the hate, the shame, the desire to witness death at my own hand, were walled off, only to be seen when provoked. I began to record my comm. communications with my business associates, and those less savory. Although Tempestia is, for all intents and purposes, a mercenary, she is one in which I hold in high regard. During the recorded conversation I heard a distinct change in my voice. It was not me, yet…it was…I snapped on her, my words hitting my ears again brought forth a furry that brought me to my knees. So this is what Scarlet and Ebe have been worried about. This is why they want me to go to a medic. But who can help me? An Imperial Doctor? Unlikely…if it were not for the manipulation of records, I would surely be a candidate for the cloning campaign for stormtroopers. With the human intellect combined with the hint of Zabrak feral blood…Rebel Doctors? Regardless of what Scarlet may be able to provide, I doubt they would let an Imperial Officer loose so freely after treating him. I do not blame them. We are at war.

What then? Who can help me? Where can I turn? I do not think I can live like this…with this split in my mind, this constant battle, the constant turmoil. Who will win? What will be left of me once the battle is over?