Journal Entry- All my Strength, All my Love

I do not remember pain like this since Scarlet’s trial in the sands of Lok. What I feel now, makes me yearn for the heat, the barrenness…but not what I had to do. That is something I wish never to visit again. This time instead of blindness like before, my senses seem numbed. Perhaps they shut down or were turned down…Some sort of self-defense mechanism. Thankfully, even with my eyes closed, I can still sense Scarlet next to me. She seems to be getting stronger. The pain and fear is still there, but she is getting stronger…Last night she was strong enough to sit up. She wanted to turn and look at the unit in which Meela would grow and live. Avios came in, alerted to the sudden change in Scarlet’s heartbeat at her exertion sitting up. I smiled at him. He has had to endure a lot for us, for me; too much in fact. A son should not have to keep watch over his father and a woman he loves that is not his mother. It must be difficult, but there seems to be no animosity there. He is a good son, better than I deserve. I raised my hand to quiet him, to indicate Scarlet was too fatigued for his technical explainations. He understood with no words, smiling and nodding to me as he returned to the instruments.

Avios keeps fretting over my EKG reading. He says it is returning to what he would consider close to normal. Apparently my run in with the pendant did more damage internally than imagined…It was a darkness never seen before. It was impossible to defend against such a powerful force…I am lucky all I am left with is a numbness of my senses. For some reason, it seems it could have very easily been worse. I need to speak to Frysheka, perhaps she can offer some advice. Blocking what I know has always been easy...even the Inquisitor. He does not even notice me snooping…

When Scarlet becomes restless I try to soothe her. It is becoming more and more difficult to mask my fear and concern from her. I try to radiate the warmth of my love to her as I look into her eyes, and tenderly rub her belly…I whisper my love to her as she sleeps, hoping she hears me while visiting a more peaceful place…a prayer to the unknown, wishing her strength of will and strength of body:

Scarlet, my TaiShan, my love, my strength…
Sleep a peaceful sleep
Dream a restful dream
May your dreams dance of images so peaceful, and full of love
Think of us standing upon a hill, looking down on your temple
Smell the pure clean smell of the impending rain storm
See our child play along with Meela, and her father, Deomo
Hear us chuckle as they tackle him to the ground, tickling him, making the proud Zabrak Warrior laugh aloud
Touch my hand as we smile at each other, our eyes full of love