Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Personal Entry- Crossroads??

Lately I find the time, desire, or motivation to submit entries to this journal lacking. Too much is happening right now in my life that sitting and writing just does not seem like an appropriate priority. I decided to fight my way up the ranks like any other grunt in Imperial Navy. I have gone from Sergeant to Warrant Officer, 2nd Class in a matter of weeks. It seems the higher command appreciates the carnage one can provide. Frankly, I appreciate the peace that creating such carnage provides me. No longer are my thoughts consumed by my failures. The more I think on it, I come to realize that Scarlet was only the most recent one in a long line of debacles. Perhaps I should just stay out of peoples’ lives.

First there was Ebe. She accidentally became pregnant, then unbeknownst to us, our child was taken. We recovered the child, but the wake of destruction that my rage left behind will surely catch up to me at some point. Ebe and I crossed paths much later, and fell in love again. My duty to that godforsaken city pulled me from my duties as a husband and I lost her.

Then Mystyn came into my life. She was a doctor in the city who, as it turns out, was a slave, still being persecuted. One aspect of the Empire I do not agree with is slavery. A hunting party was formed and we quickly, and repeatedly sent her tormentors to the cloner. Soon after, she was struck down with a childhood ailment. We were never able to find a cure. I did everything within my power to save her, but it was all for naught.

Gods, and now Scarlet. I cannot imagine two souls any more different than we are. Yet, I am drawn to her in a way I thought was impossible. Recalling how I first met her…a small huddled child of a woman, Kimbrya was being held in Imperial custody. There was something about this woman, there was a strength about her…It was through her that I met Scarlet…a wild animal of a woman: young in heart but old in mind and spirit. I love that about her. She has helped me grow as much as I have helped her. She has trusted me with her heart and her body and I have failed her by hurting her. I lost control of my hunger and she was hurt. I betrayed her trust and her love. What is left for us? Can I regain her trust? Should she be with a more kindred spirit like Deomo?

A human imperial and a rebel Zabrak…A deadly covert psy ops agent and a pure spiritual soul of a temple…Is this destined to be pure balance or pure chaos?


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