Journal Entry-Failed Duty, End Game

I think I have failed her. In my absence she was almost lost, as was Meela. The poor child…When the pendant called, she went running towards it thinking it was her father. With the feral so strong in this one, I would have thought her instincts would have been more perceptive. Even on the most basic of levels, that deep animalistic undercurrent that we all have allows us, one would think, to recognize our true parents at any age. I hope I helped somewhat. As much as I hate to I had to reach for her. She must recognize me if I am to protect them from the pendant should Deomo fail with his battle.

The uneasiness radiating from Scarlet is shredding my insides. I have done all I can, it does not seem to be enough. I wanted her to visit the lab in its current state. While painful, I do not want the first time she sees the lab to be when she is about to go under the knife…Hopefully this will make her a bit more calm with what will happen. I know it was unpleasant for her. I watched as she slowly approached the incubation tube and lightly touched the glass…She did not see it, but a tear escaped my eye. The pain was apparent; I turned to her, offering my open arms to her. No words were needed; she just needed someone to hold her up. I gladly did.

I knew when she looked up at me, that she needed to get out. I was already turning when she said it. Seeing the stairs, I turned back around. Instead of offering her a hand or a shoulder to lean on, I scooped her up to carry her up the stairs. My first thought was to take her to Hendola, no she cannot travel now, not in this state. We returned to the temple. She was drained.

I tried reaching for Meela. I am consumed with concern for the both of them and that karking pendant. I tried to show Meela how to hide, how to go to her mother if she was afraid…She did not recognize fear yet. Scarlet would not let me…I...Do not think I could have if she had allowed it. In fear she threw up a wall against me. Gods, it was so weak, she is so weak right now…

I closed my eyes and focused on our bond. With my mind I weaved a wall around her, protecting her and Meela. I pointed her to the door, showed her the key. She was scared, felt trapped. It was all instinctive; I had never approached doing anything like that before, with anyone. Scarlet felt trapped, I reminded her a wall was not a wall when it had a door wide open. I reminded her that she held the key, as did I. We can control who is allowed in. She will control…I would not dare to do more than I already have.

I worry that she feels I am being too intrusive, that I am pushing too much…At times, people need that, even her…Even Deomo. Scarlet is pushing him to learn to fight the pendant. I have had to push Scarlet so that she would have to face reality. Gods I wish it wasn’t so…Duty… *anger*

If it means her life, I will push all I can. If I loose her, push her away from me, if it means her life…

*despair*

I will not hesitate.