Personal Entry- Rejection, Failure

Damn the Empire!!! How will I ever escape? How can the possibly believe I will work for them to the best of my abilities after what Cauil has done to me and those around me? But the rebels...idiotic ragtag bunch of thieves and terrorists. Scarlet calls herself a rebel, but she does not participate in the larger scale war...No one holds the answers...

*smashes liquor bottle against the wall and opens another one*
What in the hell is left for me? I am in love, and 'bonded' to a rebel Zabrak that is also bonded to another Zabrak. How can I compete with that? She still has feelings for him even after all he has done to Kimbrya and myself. Her blindness to his hatred and darkness kills me everytime she speaks of him. It is as if he is standing beside me, a knife in my back twisting as he slowly whispers his feelings for her into my ear. No wonder I have revisited my old taste of Muon...the smooth aroma, the strength you feel in your mind. There is nothing quite like it. When mixed with some alcohol, all your worries leave you. No one matters, you feel no pain. Only the now. I do not have to remember the torture, Scarlet's love for another, Mystyn's death, Ebe's shame in me. Nothing matters. Life throws too much at us all. It is amazing we are allowed any solace. The muon grants me this. I will never let go of this feeling. My life is my own. To hell with everyone else!!! Scarlet can go running off to Deomo, she will be fine. No one else needs me, she doesn't even need me. I am my own soul. To hell with this. This life, this path. I think I may dust off my old stormtrooper armor and join the ranks of the grunt. A simple life. No one to answer to but your commanding officer. Only one thing in life to do, kill what is placed before you.
*hiss of Muon is recorded as the entry is closed*